


Telling My Parents I Write Erotic Fan-Fiction

by ChainSmokesPens



Category: Original Work
Genre: Comedy, Erotica, Family, Flash Fic, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:34:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28746285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChainSmokesPens/pseuds/ChainSmokesPens
Summary: Prompt: [WP] The time has come to break it to your parents that you are not a financial planner. You are actually an internet-famous author of fan fiction.
Kudos: 1





	Telling My Parents I Write Erotic Fan-Fiction

I broke the news to my parents as bluntly as I could.  
I'm sure that you can guess they didn't take it all that well.  
Who was their angel daughter who was doing what she should,  
Was now a degenerate torn from the sickest pits of Hell.  
.  
The pressures of the finance course were more than I could stand.  
But if I dropped out and came home they'd treat me like I'm trash.  
So I summoned my resolve, bought a brand new laptop, and,  
Began to write hot fanfics to start bringing in the cash.  
.  
"Hot?" Dad asked when I began, insisting that I explain.  
"It's one of the best pathways to get picked up for a book."  
I made my case by quoting the success of E. L. James.  
Intrigued by the idea they both leaned in to take a look.  
.  
They were both stunned to silence at my mastery of prose,  
Their faces were unmoving like they were made out of stone.  
My mother seemed to want to talk, but out of her throat rose,  
A scream so shrill that I went deaf after I heard its tone.  
.  
Mom shook her head, began to cry, and asked where she went wrong.  
"It's not that bad, mom," I assured, not feeling any shame,  
As her eyes rolled over my sex scenes of donkeys wearing thongs.  
"Compared to the stuff I get off to this is rather tame."  
.  
My mother was wracking in her sobbing, tissue at her eyes,  
"Is this what's become of you?" she hotly spat a balked,  
"After four full years at college on a scholarship's full ride."  
Her eyes too saturated to read my descriptions of dog cock.  
.  
Dad was scanning, scrolling, clicking, he didn't even blink,  
His eyes darting over the words like indecisive flies.  
I didn't know what to expect or what my dad would think,  
But he pulled off his glasses, turned to me, and then he sighed.  
.  
"Your prose is way too purple." "What?" I didn't expect that.  
"No one cares about the thread count or color of the sheets.  
Your sex scenes are descriptive, but your characters are flat."  
"Also!" my mother declared turning her wet eyes to me.  
.  
"I get that Sir Schlong Delong has a donkey dong that's huge,  
But it doesn't take three paragraphs to get the point across.  
And if he's gay why's he fixated on his sister's boobs?  
Learn your orientations or your readers will be lost!"  
.  
"Also, also," Dad said, picking up where Mom had stopped,  
"Who crawls under the couch for a remote and then gets stuck?  
And why spend twenty minutes describing Sir Schlong get topped,  
When that time is better spent watching this donkey-boy get fucked?"  
.  
They went on for three full hours ripping my tale to bits,  
Madder at my style of writing, not the content, than you'd think.  
"He should finger the prostate." "Snakes are reptiles, so no tits!"  
I learned way too much about my parents' different kinks.


End file.
